be not afraid of cauliflower, or, so you like potatoes, right?

cauliflower, in all its mid-butchering, pre-roasted glory.


one of us is gay and has a mother named gay.
this same mother got really into the great potato scare of the early aughts, aka, the atkins diet.
while her daughter was wise enough to recognize that a diet that eschews fruit and vegetables for peanut butter and bacon is probably wack, she definitely started to see the glory of alternate starches. roasted cauliflower is just one of these. it takes the place of roasted potatoes quite deliciously (to be clear: i love potatoes too), and it's also a nice addition to an antipasto plate.

step 1: butchering the cauliflower.
you need to flip the cauliflower over and pick off the leaves. then you must take a sharp knife and cut out the stem/core. see the stem? stick the knife in parallel, you'll want it to go in about halfway into the head of cauli. cut around the stem, with the knife angled inward slightly. remove the stem/core. this is tough and not that flavorful. then pull apart the head into smaller pieces. you may then choose to cut them into even smaller pieces. NinaThePerson, I believe, likes to slice the cauli very thin. i am too lazy to do this usually, but the smaller the pieces, the better the caramelizing effect.

step 2: flava.
unless i slice it thin, i put the pieces of cauli right into a 1 1/2" or 2" deep roasting dish. i coat it in olive oil or a mixture of olive and hazelnut oil. if i have sliced it thin, it's best to lay it flat on a greased baking sheet and then drizzle with olive oil. you need a lot of oil. now for the flava! i like to use a hearty mixture of salt, pepper, curry powder, garam masal, and a little smoked, sweet paprika. however, you can also do salt, pepper and garlic powder. just mix this in with the oiled up pieces or sprinkle over the slices. if you go this route, please sprinkle the cauli with grated cheese at the end of the roasting process. you should feel free about experimenting with other flavors too. readers, please post if you have alternate ideas!

step 3: roast the hell out of it.
place the cauli into a 375 degree oven. roast it for about an hour, unless you sliced thin, then you need less time. check it after 20 minutes. you want it to get nice and golden brown, not burnt, so i make sure the rack is in the middle of the oven, maybe a wee bit higher.

step 4: eat it!
take the cauli out and serve it up. guests will be delighted. while i enjoy raw and steamed cauliflower too, a lot of people have traumatic childhood memories thereof. these people are often shocked by the effects of roasting on the cauliflower.

this photo is of some roasted cauli with cheese and sauteed scallions.



Maddy says yum.

christopher walken cooks for you!

one of us has made a boldfaced claim about white rice and my enjoyment thereof.
one of us has lost her slippers and is distraught.
both of us think you will enjoy this cooking video.

without further adieu, christopher walken shows you how to make chicken with caramelized pears:

stir fry as extension of self

one of us worked at a hippie craft collective in maine as a prep cook and baker for a few summers in college, where she learned how to make the best stir fry on earth. even better than all the permutations of stir fry she had in western china. this would probably be her last meal, with a six pack of wheat beer and coffee ice cream for dessert.

i identify with this stir fry, even more than my mac 'n cheese. it is somehow part of me-- colorful, deceptively simple, seemingly healthy, but with hidden hits of sugar. part hippie, part yuppie, part hipster. kind of totally square, only not at all.

ingredients:
* lee kum lee vegetarian stir fry sauce-- this stuff is magical
* extra firm tofu
* red onion
* sesame oil
* broccoli
* ginger (either powdered ginger, copious amounts, or the ginger people brand ginger juice, which should be its own entry)

preheat oven to 400. pour a bunch of sesame oil on the bottom of a baking dish. cut up your tofu into bite sized pieces and lay them on top of the oil. cover the tofu with about half a cup of the lklvsfs (it's mostly a mushroom flavor, but do NOT substitute. thnx), then a bunch of ginger. i mean a lot. 1/3 bottle of the sauce, or 2 tablespoons of dry ginger. trust me. i am a professional at this recipe. throw the mess in the oven and bake for half an hour or until you can't stand it anymore. it should be bubbly and smell amazing.

meanwhile, simply saute your red onion, chopped, in some sesame oil. when it's done, throw the florets of broccoli in the pan, turn the heat off, cover, and let steam.

mix it all together in the saute pan and serve over whatever you want. one of us likes buckwheat soba. the other would do it over white rice, wouldn't you, shoup?

we will miss dennis hopper

He would show you his map.
There is your domain.
is it the domicile it looks to be
or simply a_retinal block
of seats in,... See More
he will flip the phrase
the theater of impatience.
If if is where you are,
the footstep in the flat above
in a foreign land
or any shimmer the city
sends you
the prompt sounds
of a metropolitan nearness
he will unroll the map of locations.
- from book one of gunslinger by edward dorn which one of us read in hopper's honor today.

we both really like dennis hopper. one of us has cited moments in which dennis hopper can't keep a straight face in movies as her favorite cinematic phenomenon ever.

and today we learned that dennis hopper is both getting divorced and dying. it seems clear he's getting the divorce put through to get his estate in order.

dennis hopper makes art, mostly photographs. i think they are just okay. the other one of us probably has a more nuanced appreciation of them.

we think dennis hopper's favorite foods probably were cheeseburgers, real caeser salads, coque au vin, and pussy.

we will miss dennis hopper not being able to keep a straight face in movies.

The best article about food and sex

This article by Mary Eberstadt argues that "food is the new sex." It's an argument that gets thrown around a lot, because the two drives are similar (is one a drive and one an instinct?). Eberstadt's take is historical and ideological: where food used to be a matter of taste, even 50 years ago, while sex was governed by various moral laws, life in America these days seems to have completely reversed the relationship. It's a very smart article and explains the prolific nature of food blogs. Like ours. She's not the first to make the argument, but she does it the most convincingly. And she gets at some of the consequences without moralizing.

One of us is dating a man who doesn't cook, and so this sort of thing has been on her mind.

how to tote a gun and have fun with jamaican rum

one of us prefers to use standard capitalization, one of us prefers not to.
one of us rides a bicycle, one of us rides a stationary bicycle.
one of us lives with mr. pie, one of us lives with nina and jamie.
jamie might also title this post "from those in the winning country."
and it is from said jamie that one of us discovered this video. this shit ain't edible, son, it's audible.

dance like a prairie dog and enjoy, killahs:

i think we are like the muppets and biggie, old friend. (jamie is our miley.)

ask and ye shall receive, or, things to do with kale.

it's true, eat your leafy greens. nobody likes a constipated fatty.

when you live alone, like we do, it can be hard to finish off the food before it spoils. kale keeps forever. somebody put that shit on a t-shirt for me please.

kale comes in several varieties.

standard:


Tuscan or Lacinto or black kale (sweeter, my favorite, but harder to find in a pinch):


here are three things you can do with kale:

one: roast that bitch.
it's not just for carcass or root vegetables anymore. preheat to 400.
wash the kale, if you're into that sort of thing, and tear it (she likes to get physical) into manageable pieces. toss it in a little bit of the best olive oil you can find, lemon juice, salt, chili flakes, and garlic powder. lay it down in a smooth layer on a baking sheet and roast in the oven for 8-10 minutes. it'll get nice and crispy. fast, hot and tasty. an excellent accompaniment to the aforementioned mac 'n' cheese or fried eggs for brunch the morning after. variations here include subbing lime for lemon and soy sauce for salt.


two: like they did at tara.
i was going to do a whole post on my traditional southern-style greens recipe, but here it is. this works for collards, turnip greens, mustard greens, and chard as well.
get a pot. heat up some butter and olive oil. sweat some garlic and onion for a couple of minutes. throw in your greens (washed and chopped into big strips), some salt, a splash of apple cider vinegar, chili flakes, and stock. cook covered at low-med heat until texture of the greens is to your liking. some of you may choose to de-spine the leaves first. i only do that if i'm really trying to impress someone. variations here include throwing in some bacon you've rendered (i like to do this in the last five minutes, along with some of the bacon grease... irksome when the ladies don't dig on swine). sometimes i also throw in some tomatoes when i put the greens and other business in. kale really likes acid.


three: john gives it to me raw (name that tune)
she's a tough old broad, sure, but rub her down with olive oil and she's... okay, enough.
anyway, despite how thick and fibrous kale is you can use it in a salad. the trick is to massage it with olive or hazelnut oil or a combination of the two. i like to use standard kale for this. after you wash the kale, tear it or cut into your preferred size pieces. then put it in a bowl and massage with oil and salt. you'll see the color become quite vibrant. then i like to throw in some dried cranberries, lemon juice, vinegar, and a table spoon of Maille Dijon mustard (which I will also eat all by itself) and some cubed ricotta salata. mix it all up and you've got a winner salad.

my favorite kale salad, by the by, is served at Back Forty. they make an amazing, traditional Caeser dressing and sub kale for romaine. it's incredible, and i hope it's back on the menu soon.

the requisite mac and cheese recipe

One of us likes to read theory and make out with boys. One of us likes to read theory and make out with girls. The one of us who likes to make out with boys will occasionally cook for them between the reading and the making out. This is what she makes for them. It is, objectively speaking, the best mac and cheese recipe in the greater Chicagoland area.

* egg noodles-- about half the bag.
* gruyere cheese-- the size of a midpriced digital camera
* heavy cream-- about a cup (notice that with a pint of cream and a bag of egg noodles, you'll be able to make two recipes. you'll have to buy a lot more gruyere than you anticipate. both times. especially if you'll be snacking on it while you read and/or make out)
* nutmeg
* black pepper

Cook the egg noodles until just before al dente. You're going to bake it, so pace yourself. It's like making out on the first date. Then heat up the heavy cream over low heat. Melt in enough shredded cheese to make a thick sauce. In a worthy baking dish, pour in your egg noodles and your cheese sauce. Grate a thick layer of cheese on top. I keep saying cheese, but only Gruyere is going to be good enough here. Sprinkle on a little more nutmeg than you think you need. Sprinkle on a little less black pepper than you think you need. Put it in a cold oven and heat to broil. By the time the oven heats up and broils the top, the cheese will be perfectly distributed and melted.

Serve with kale. The other one of us is better at telling you what to do with the kale.

vegan whiskey ginger ice cream

One of us might be a hipster. Both of us might be hipsters. We're not sure. But one of us has a friend who is certainly a bigger hipster than she is; this friend is a vegan who likes whiskey. One of us was bringing ice cream to a party where this friend was and so invented a vegan whiskey ginger ice cream. She wasn't sure how good it would be. But when the beardy hipster guys at the party preferred the vegan whiskey ginger ice cream to the bacon maple syrup ice cream, she knew she had stumbled onto something great.

ingredients:
* a pint soy creamer
* a pint of soy yogurt
* a bag of crystallized ginger
* a cup of sugar
* Jameseon

Heat up your soy creamer and add your sugar, just to melt the sugar. While it's cooling, cut the crystallized ginger into small pieces. Mix up everything except the Jameson and throw it into your ice cream maker. While it's freezing, enjoy some Jameson. Then add some more when the ice cream is 90% frozen. One of us wouldn't add more than 3 shots, but the other certainly would.

You can make an amazing float with this ice cream along with ginger ale and more Jameson.

Lamb Ragu

ingredients (for 6 servings):
- 2 lamb shoulder chops
- 1 32 ounce can pureed tomatoes
- some kale
- some peas
- garlic
- 1 onion, chopped
- the following herbs and spices: cumin, coriander, garam masala, cinnamon, sweet smoked paprika, rosemary, oregano, thyme
- large pot
- 1/2 cup cheap red wine
- 1/2 cup of stock
- olive oil
- butter
- chopped celery (or fennel) and carrots
*note: i sorta made this up and just do everything to taste, hence why there aren't specific amounts of everything. experiment. and be advised that "some" is a measurement term i will use frequently.

step one: awkwardly butcher the chops, cut the meat into roughly 1 inch cubes, save the bones

step two: brown the meat in the pot with the olive oil and butter. make sure to put bones in too. you do not want to cook the meat through. take it out once brown and set aside.

step three: add the onion, carrots, celery or fennel, and garlic and sweat them.

step four: add the meat and bones back in and pour in the tomatoes and wine and stock and herbs and spices. i like to pour the stock in the tomato can and swish it around so you really get all the tomato-y bits out.

step five: bring to a boil then put on med-low and let reduce for a long time. when you have about 25 minutes left, throw in the kale. when you have about 5-10 minutes left, throw in the peas. remove bones before serving, offer them up to beelzebub, serve ragu over saffron risotto or couscous.

Naan

The picture makes this look like it makes a big flat naan, but it's better when you make pieces the size of an English muffin. It makes a mean breakfast sandwich.

Ingredients

* 1 package yeast
* 1 cup warm water
* 1/4 cup sugar
* 1 egg, beaten
* 3 tablespoons whole milk
* 2 teaspoons salt
* 4 1/2 cups all purpose flour
* 1/4 cup butter or ghee, melted
* optional: minced garlic

Directions

1. In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water and let it stand for about 10 minutes. Stir in sugar, milk, egg, salt, and enough flour to make a soft dough. Knead it. Let it rise in an oiled bowl 1 hour or until the dough has doubled.

2. Punch down dough, and knead in garlic. Pinch off small handfuls of dough about the size of a golf ball. Roll into balls, and place on a tray. Cover with a towel, and allow to rise until doubled in size, about 30 minutes.

** at this point you can freeze the dough until whenever you want. It freezes beautifully.

3. During the second rising, preheat grill or griddle to high heat. It works both ways. One of us prefers to fry everything in oil. The other one likes to grill her naan.

4. Roll the dough into a thin circle. Oil the pan or the griddle and cook the dough on each side for 2 to 3 minutes, or until puffy and lightly browned.

This recipe is adapted from allrecipes.com

Oh, Hai.

Welcome to our blog, Gilbert & Gorge. Once upon a time we lived in a two-bedroom apartment in London with three other women (that's person total: 5 and bedroom total: 2), two of whom went on a very misguided version of Atkins that involved them eating bacon out of a Ziploc as a snack. It was during this time that we discovered our mutual love for food, cooking, Gilbert & George, and sarcasm. Our intention is to post recipes we want to share with one another, seeing as we are separated by 1000 +/- miles. One of us does not use recipes too often, and as such, her narratives may lack certain useful details. Feel free to ask questions in the comment section. During our London semester, the drunker one once referred to the other as the France to her Hitler. Somewhere there is a drawing of the two us as a fig and a banana, respectively. One of us resembles a small Uma Thurman. The other owns far too many cardigans.

Enjoy.