be not afraid of cauliflower, or, so you like potatoes, right?

cauliflower, in all its mid-butchering, pre-roasted glory.


one of us is gay and has a mother named gay.
this same mother got really into the great potato scare of the early aughts, aka, the atkins diet.
while her daughter was wise enough to recognize that a diet that eschews fruit and vegetables for peanut butter and bacon is probably wack, she definitely started to see the glory of alternate starches. roasted cauliflower is just one of these. it takes the place of roasted potatoes quite deliciously (to be clear: i love potatoes too), and it's also a nice addition to an antipasto plate.

step 1: butchering the cauliflower.
you need to flip the cauliflower over and pick off the leaves. then you must take a sharp knife and cut out the stem/core. see the stem? stick the knife in parallel, you'll want it to go in about halfway into the head of cauli. cut around the stem, with the knife angled inward slightly. remove the stem/core. this is tough and not that flavorful. then pull apart the head into smaller pieces. you may then choose to cut them into even smaller pieces. NinaThePerson, I believe, likes to slice the cauli very thin. i am too lazy to do this usually, but the smaller the pieces, the better the caramelizing effect.

step 2: flava.
unless i slice it thin, i put the pieces of cauli right into a 1 1/2" or 2" deep roasting dish. i coat it in olive oil or a mixture of olive and hazelnut oil. if i have sliced it thin, it's best to lay it flat on a greased baking sheet and then drizzle with olive oil. you need a lot of oil. now for the flava! i like to use a hearty mixture of salt, pepper, curry powder, garam masal, and a little smoked, sweet paprika. however, you can also do salt, pepper and garlic powder. just mix this in with the oiled up pieces or sprinkle over the slices. if you go this route, please sprinkle the cauli with grated cheese at the end of the roasting process. you should feel free about experimenting with other flavors too. readers, please post if you have alternate ideas!

step 3: roast the hell out of it.
place the cauli into a 375 degree oven. roast it for about an hour, unless you sliced thin, then you need less time. check it after 20 minutes. you want it to get nice and golden brown, not burnt, so i make sure the rack is in the middle of the oven, maybe a wee bit higher.

step 4: eat it!
take the cauli out and serve it up. guests will be delighted. while i enjoy raw and steamed cauliflower too, a lot of people have traumatic childhood memories thereof. these people are often shocked by the effects of roasting on the cauliflower.

this photo is of some roasted cauli with cheese and sauteed scallions.



Maddy says yum.

christopher walken cooks for you!

one of us has made a boldfaced claim about white rice and my enjoyment thereof.
one of us has lost her slippers and is distraught.
both of us think you will enjoy this cooking video.

without further adieu, christopher walken shows you how to make chicken with caramelized pears:

stir fry as extension of self

one of us worked at a hippie craft collective in maine as a prep cook and baker for a few summers in college, where she learned how to make the best stir fry on earth. even better than all the permutations of stir fry she had in western china. this would probably be her last meal, with a six pack of wheat beer and coffee ice cream for dessert.

i identify with this stir fry, even more than my mac 'n cheese. it is somehow part of me-- colorful, deceptively simple, seemingly healthy, but with hidden hits of sugar. part hippie, part yuppie, part hipster. kind of totally square, only not at all.

ingredients:
* lee kum lee vegetarian stir fry sauce-- this stuff is magical
* extra firm tofu
* red onion
* sesame oil
* broccoli
* ginger (either powdered ginger, copious amounts, or the ginger people brand ginger juice, which should be its own entry)

preheat oven to 400. pour a bunch of sesame oil on the bottom of a baking dish. cut up your tofu into bite sized pieces and lay them on top of the oil. cover the tofu with about half a cup of the lklvsfs (it's mostly a mushroom flavor, but do NOT substitute. thnx), then a bunch of ginger. i mean a lot. 1/3 bottle of the sauce, or 2 tablespoons of dry ginger. trust me. i am a professional at this recipe. throw the mess in the oven and bake for half an hour or until you can't stand it anymore. it should be bubbly and smell amazing.

meanwhile, simply saute your red onion, chopped, in some sesame oil. when it's done, throw the florets of broccoli in the pan, turn the heat off, cover, and let steam.

mix it all together in the saute pan and serve over whatever you want. one of us likes buckwheat soba. the other would do it over white rice, wouldn't you, shoup?

we will miss dennis hopper

He would show you his map.
There is your domain.
is it the domicile it looks to be
or simply a_retinal block
of seats in,... See More
he will flip the phrase
the theater of impatience.
If if is where you are,
the footstep in the flat above
in a foreign land
or any shimmer the city
sends you
the prompt sounds
of a metropolitan nearness
he will unroll the map of locations.
- from book one of gunslinger by edward dorn which one of us read in hopper's honor today.

we both really like dennis hopper. one of us has cited moments in which dennis hopper can't keep a straight face in movies as her favorite cinematic phenomenon ever.

and today we learned that dennis hopper is both getting divorced and dying. it seems clear he's getting the divorce put through to get his estate in order.

dennis hopper makes art, mostly photographs. i think they are just okay. the other one of us probably has a more nuanced appreciation of them.

we think dennis hopper's favorite foods probably were cheeseburgers, real caeser salads, coque au vin, and pussy.

we will miss dennis hopper not being able to keep a straight face in movies.

The best article about food and sex

This article by Mary Eberstadt argues that "food is the new sex." It's an argument that gets thrown around a lot, because the two drives are similar (is one a drive and one an instinct?). Eberstadt's take is historical and ideological: where food used to be a matter of taste, even 50 years ago, while sex was governed by various moral laws, life in America these days seems to have completely reversed the relationship. It's a very smart article and explains the prolific nature of food blogs. Like ours. She's not the first to make the argument, but she does it the most convincingly. And she gets at some of the consequences without moralizing.

One of us is dating a man who doesn't cook, and so this sort of thing has been on her mind.

how to tote a gun and have fun with jamaican rum

one of us prefers to use standard capitalization, one of us prefers not to.
one of us rides a bicycle, one of us rides a stationary bicycle.
one of us lives with mr. pie, one of us lives with nina and jamie.
jamie might also title this post "from those in the winning country."
and it is from said jamie that one of us discovered this video. this shit ain't edible, son, it's audible.

dance like a prairie dog and enjoy, killahs:

i think we are like the muppets and biggie, old friend. (jamie is our miley.)

ask and ye shall receive, or, things to do with kale.

it's true, eat your leafy greens. nobody likes a constipated fatty.

when you live alone, like we do, it can be hard to finish off the food before it spoils. kale keeps forever. somebody put that shit on a t-shirt for me please.

kale comes in several varieties.

standard:


Tuscan or Lacinto or black kale (sweeter, my favorite, but harder to find in a pinch):


here are three things you can do with kale:

one: roast that bitch.
it's not just for carcass or root vegetables anymore. preheat to 400.
wash the kale, if you're into that sort of thing, and tear it (she likes to get physical) into manageable pieces. toss it in a little bit of the best olive oil you can find, lemon juice, salt, chili flakes, and garlic powder. lay it down in a smooth layer on a baking sheet and roast in the oven for 8-10 minutes. it'll get nice and crispy. fast, hot and tasty. an excellent accompaniment to the aforementioned mac 'n' cheese or fried eggs for brunch the morning after. variations here include subbing lime for lemon and soy sauce for salt.


two: like they did at tara.
i was going to do a whole post on my traditional southern-style greens recipe, but here it is. this works for collards, turnip greens, mustard greens, and chard as well.
get a pot. heat up some butter and olive oil. sweat some garlic and onion for a couple of minutes. throw in your greens (washed and chopped into big strips), some salt, a splash of apple cider vinegar, chili flakes, and stock. cook covered at low-med heat until texture of the greens is to your liking. some of you may choose to de-spine the leaves first. i only do that if i'm really trying to impress someone. variations here include throwing in some bacon you've rendered (i like to do this in the last five minutes, along with some of the bacon grease... irksome when the ladies don't dig on swine). sometimes i also throw in some tomatoes when i put the greens and other business in. kale really likes acid.


three: john gives it to me raw (name that tune)
she's a tough old broad, sure, but rub her down with olive oil and she's... okay, enough.
anyway, despite how thick and fibrous kale is you can use it in a salad. the trick is to massage it with olive or hazelnut oil or a combination of the two. i like to use standard kale for this. after you wash the kale, tear it or cut into your preferred size pieces. then put it in a bowl and massage with oil and salt. you'll see the color become quite vibrant. then i like to throw in some dried cranberries, lemon juice, vinegar, and a table spoon of Maille Dijon mustard (which I will also eat all by itself) and some cubed ricotta salata. mix it all up and you've got a winner salad.

my favorite kale salad, by the by, is served at Back Forty. they make an amazing, traditional Caeser dressing and sub kale for romaine. it's incredible, and i hope it's back on the menu soon.